Wanting what you don't have

I have been in a rotten mood all day today. At first, I thought it was because its a gray day and it has been raining off and on. Weather does effect my mood a lot. Then the thoughts of yesterday came into my head.

I went out to dinner with friend (which is an expense I can't really afford), she was complaining about her job and how they overworked her. I listened kindly, but didn't really make any comments. She even said that there were a lot of people without work that would love to be in her position. (I sure would!) She asked me what I was going to do Monday and I told her of the emptiness of my day. She told me she wished she was me. I told her, "you really want to go broke." We both wanted what each other had, but for different underlying reasons. I wanted a job for stability and security. My anxiety has gone up recently about money. I hope that I can finish school with the savings that I have. She is stressed out with work, but partly by her own doing. Her fiance is abroad waiting for his visa and the distance is getting to both of them. She works to not think of him.

We are both taking risks and are scared out of our minds. I am taking the biggest financial risk of my life by going back to school with no certainty that I will find a job afterward. My friend is getting married. 'nuff said. These risks frighten us, yet, at the same time tempt us with what could happen.

Insha'Allah everything works out. (And I don't go homeless!)